Happy Birthday, Pam!
by jezzybellejones
Summary: *One Shot* *Paric* Birthday gift for my twin, Katie. Eric has a very SPECIAL birthday surprise for Pam.


**A/N: This is a birthday gift to my twin, Katie (aka Hansprincessa), the one person in the world who hates Sookie Stackhouse even more than I do. Enjoy it, Twinneh! As always, I don't own them. Never will. Read and review if you feel like it. Yada yada yada. Have at it. **

"Eric, I told you already; you didn't NEED to get me a birthday present… your VISA, AMEX, and MasterCard already took care of it… and then some." Pam said as she gently patted the shoulder of her maker and flashed him a dazzling smile.

"Yes, Pamela… I know you've already done your birthday shopping much like you do every other day of the year, but I just WANTED to get you something special because you are the most special person in the world to me. This gift is unique and one of a kind, just like my petty, selfish, insubordinate, infuriating, adorable, perfect, beautiful, loving progeny." Eric replied, pulling her down to sit with him atop his desk; wrapping a long arm around her petite shoulders and quickly pecking her cheek.

For a moment, Pam glared at him; her face showing its usual lack of amusement or enthusiasm. Finally, she lay her golden head down on his shoulder and gazed up into his cerulean eyes with her matching ones open widely.

"Sooo…" She said, innocently twirling a lock of her hair around her finger. "What'd you get me?"

Eric stifled a chuckle from emerging and smiled at his progeny. He often told Pam that he loved her more when she was cold and heartless, but truth be told, he was fibbing to protect his usual stoic nature. The Pam that he loved best was the Pam reserved for him and him alone; no one else on Earth would ever see her twirling her hair in feigned childlike innocence. She knew that the cutesy act was completely unnecessary because Eric would give her anything on the planet that her heart desired if he thought it would make her happy for even a fraction of a second, and be glad to do it. Pam used this knowledge to her full advantage most every day, but every now and then, she put on the sweet act to please him.

"Now now, Pam." Eric teased. "Patience is a virtue."

"Buttttt Ericccc." Pam whined.

"Don't "But Eric" me." Eric chided. "The longer you whine the longer you'll wait."

"IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I'LL WHINE IF I WANT TO." Pam screeched, scowling and crossing her arms in frustration.

"Fine, Lesley Gore." Eric said smirking. "Come and sit on Daddy's lap and I'll give you your present."

Pam rolled her eyes. "Not that I'd ever turn it down or it's not the best of the best or anything, but that's a present I've already had a million times. You said it was unique and special and just for me, and thousands of women have had that… lucky bitches… but I'm the luckiest…. ANYWAY… where's my real present?"

Eric took his turn rolling his own eyes and scooted her over and unto his lap. Scrunching his nose up at her glaring blue eyes and softly stroking her flaxen hair with one of his large hands, he reached into his pocket with the other, producing Pam's bejeweled and bedazzled iPhone.

Pam rolled her eyes in even more frustration and annoyance than usual. "THAT'S what happened to my phone? YOU had it? I haven't been able to find it all night. I threatened to drown Ginger in the mop bucket if it didn't turn up, and you had it all along. WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING ME FOR, ERIC?"

"The only person in the world who knows you inside and out." Eric replied with a smirk. "Notice anything different?" He asked.

Pam glanced the phone over and saw nothing out of the ordinary. "Well you didn't change the case." She replied dryly. "And you didn't delete my contacts or put a picture of your cock as the background, though I wouldn't have objected to that, so what DID you do?" She questioned.

"See that app there?" Eric asked, scrolling through her various pages of applications and pointing to the at the bottom and furthest right.

"The one labeled KS?" Pam replied without enthusiasm.

"Yes, the one labeled KS." Eric replied. "Open it up." He encouraged.

Reluctantly, Pam pressed her finger on the app to launch it. Her eyes lit up when the words "KILL SOOKIE" flashed across the screen.

"Eric… is this a game?" She asked excitedly.

"Oh, it's a little better than a game. Thanks to a few dozen favors I called in and a shitton of money paid to a software designer I happen to know from somewhere, this "game" can become reality." Eric replied with a wide smile.

If Pam's heart were still functioning, it would have soared. She contemplated the situation for a moment, softly ran her hand down Eric's stubbly cheek, and locked her fingers with his own. "You mean… with just the press of a button… I get to… KILL… SOOKIE?"

"Wellll…. You do get to press a button to do it, but it's a little more personalized than that." Eric replied. "Keep exploring."

Pam shuffled through the app, her eyes and smile widening by the second. "So I get my CHOICE of how she dies?" She asked excitedly.

"All up to you, Pamela. All up to you." Eric answered.

"Hmmm…" Pam thought out loud. "Should I have her torn limb and limb by a pack of rabid weres or drawn and quartered by a combine? Ooooh…she could magically slip into a vat of French fry grease… that's tempting. But what about disembowelment by butter knife.. that would really increase her suffering. I can't decide, Eric! Help me."

"Well you don't have to do it right this minute, Pamela." Eric chuckled. "Why don't you think about it awhile?"

Pam's face hardened. "Are you trying to trick me into NOT doing it, Eric? That's not an option. You can't lay the most tempting thing in the world in front of me and expect me to turn it down. You know me better than that."

"I'm not trying to trick you into anything, Pamela." Eric replied seriously. "I went to great pains to arrange all of this for you and I fully expect you to take full advantage of and thoroughly enjoy the opportunity."

Pam pulled Eric's chin up so that she could look into his eyes. "Why DID you set this up, Eric? I thought you loved Sookie."

Eric swallowed hard and pulled Pam tightly into his embrace. "I never loved Sookie." He answered softly. "And she sure as HELL never loved me…I thought I did once, but I had to almost lose you to realize that I was just blinded, misguided, and tempted by the thought of chasing something I knew I could never really have. It wasn't worth it at all, and I could tell you I'm sorry every day for all of eternity for letting you down and not being there when you needed me, and still never come close to making it up to you. I figure this is as good a start as any."

Bloody tears began to trail down Pam's porcelain face, and she brought her lips to meet Eric's in a tender kiss. As it grew more heated, he gently laid her back on the desk and trailed soft kisses along her jaw line, neck, and collar bone. As Pam had stated earlier, they'd had sex a million times all over the world, and sometimes it was rough and animalistic, sometimes it got kinky, sometimes it was short and quick, and sometimes it lasted for days, but it was most enjoyable for them when they were as sweet and gentle and tender as the first intimate time that they had laid together in that San Francisco brothel so many years ago. And so, Eric made love to his Pamela in just the way that they both loved best.

As they lay on the desk wrapped in each other's arms, Pam briefly raised her head from Eric's chest and grabbed her phone from beside her. Quickly thumbing through the Kill Sookie app she selected her choice of death and groaned as the app asked if she was really SURE that it was the way she wanted to kill Sookie. Pushing the confirm button with a satisfied grin, she lay her head back on Eric's chest.

"Think anybody will miss her?" Eric asked.

"Hmmm." Pam said. "After her gynecologist implants her with the ticking time bomb and her time runs out, there won't be much left to miss."

Eric snickered and grinned. "Happy Birthday, Pam."


End file.
